Gone is Gone

Deployment for Marine Corps families these days is part of the package. To be a Marine and NOT expect to deploy SOMEWHERE, is pretty much unheard of and just unrealistic.

Marines may not always be in a combat zone. There are schools, exercises, Temporary Additional Duties (TAD) that take them away from their families.

I think it's interesting every time we face a separation how we go through the motions of a separation and how we react individually and as a family. Regardless of where he goes or for how long there are always a few things that never change.

For instance, there is always a period of time before he leaves where I pick a fight (or fights). I KNOW what is happening, and fortunately so does he, but I can't stop it. I still do it. I don't realize I'm doing it until it's done and he is standing there on the other side of the room laughing, calmly stating that he knows what I'm doing.

I am usually so wrapped up in the point I'm trying to make I don't realize what's happening.

In fact it just happened. Last night. In the kitchen.

The Marine: Laughing in the kitchen while stirring soup.

Kelli: in the middle of a rant, "WHAT!?"

The Marine: "I know what you're doing." He states this very calmly.

Kelli: completely thrown off my rant, which is in and of it's self annoying. "WHAT!?"

The Marine: "You're picking a fight because I'm leaving tomorrow."

Kelli: "nuh uh." Then I slink away. Dang it. I was doing just that. I know better. I teach this stuff!

So today I drop The Marine off to pick up a rental car. (he's obviously not going away so far it can't be driven to.)

I woke up this morning thinking OH NO, he's leaving, but he's not going over where people are shooting or blowing up stuff, so no big deal, right?

I'm not ready! I didn't think I needed to be.

I press on with our morning and deliver him to the rental car place and then proceed to drop off Recruit 6 at preschool.

I suddenly have a huge attack of sadness. I'm not ready. I didn't prepare. I didn't hug him tight enough or long enough or just ENOUGH!

Leaving the pre-school I quickly punch his number into the cell phone.

The Marine: "Hello?"

Kelli: "Did you leave yet?????"

The Marine: "Just fixing to pull out of the driveway, what's up?"

Kelli: "I was going to come get one more hug."

The Marine: pause. "What?"

Kelli: "A HUG! I NEED ANOTHER HUG!" Perhaps the panic in my voice caused him to pause for a moment and carefully sound only mildly annoyed and mostly amused.

The Marine: "Where are you?"

Kelli: "Leaving the preschool."

The Marine: "I'll meet you in the parking lot of the movie theatre and I'll give you three minutes and then I"m out of here."

Kelli: "WHAT?? Okay fine, DON'T LEAVE ME!"

Seriously? I call needing one more hug and he gives me a time limit? Never the less I book it to the movie theatre parking lot, hitting EVERY red light along the way. I knew he would wait beyond my three minute time limit but for some reason I was panicked and so terribly sad. I wasn't ready for him to leave.

Had he been deploying I would have been ready. We would have done all those things you do when a Marine is leaving for a deployment. We didn't do those things.

This separation, while not short, is in the U.S. and so not a big deal.

But it is.

Gone is Gone.

I love him, I missed him desperately already and he was still in the movie theatre parking lot. Most of all, I didn't want to go home to a bunch of kids without The Hammer. I was going to be hammer less tonight. He's my hammer. They think I'm the screwdriver.

I could see him as I was stopped at yet another red light across the intersection and in the parking lot. I called him and said, "I see you so you can't leave. Don't move, stay there!" He replied in a menacing Marine-y voice, "You'd better hurry."

I pulled into the parking lot, jumped out and ran to the back of his rental car where he was digging around for his ball cap. I stood there starring at him rifling through his bags. Seriously??? He didn't even look up!

"HUG ME NOW!!!" I may have yelled this really loud, but I'm not sure.

I'm glad the parking lot was empty as it was 0840. It would have just looked weird if there had been a parking lot full of movie goers.

I puddled up too. I never cry when he leaves. He hugged me and laughed. He asked me if this is what I always did when he left: act nonchalant and tough until he was gone and then fell apart.

I sniffled and said somewhat exasperatedly, "YES." Usually though he's on a plane and I can't demand another hug so I eat ice cream instead.

He tucked me back in the van and got into his little white rental car. We pulled out of the parking lot and I could feel my puddling begin again. I got into the left turn lane and he pulled up in the right turn lane. He slowed down enough to look over and blow me a kiss as our vehicles were momentarily side by side, and then he drove off.

I sniffled, wiped the last indulgent tear away and squared my shoulders waiting for the light to change green.

Now the adventure begins. I'm going to have to be the hammer...