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Monday, September 28, 2009

Things I Heard on Sunday

2 minutes left before I needed to run out the door. I am in the bathroom. I'm yelling for people to get in the van.

I am hurriedly applying make up. Or attempting to.

The Marine is trying to slick down hair.

I hear:


I don't bother to look. Whatever is there is going to church with us.

Later in our Sunday School class, Recruit 6, one of our students was sitting for quite awhile with his hand raised.

I finally had no choice but to call on him. We were discussing how we know our parent's love us and how we can let them know we love them.

Kelli: "Yes Recruit 6, what is it?"

Recruit 6 settles in his chair saying ummmm. Finally, "We have to keep the Gospel from attacking people's houses."

I sit still pondering this. Not sure what he possibly could have meant. I turn to The Marine who team teaches with me.

"Hey, did you hear that?"

The Marine glances up from the scriptures he's been searching and says, "I think it should attack people's houses." And he looks back down and begins reading.

Recruit 6 seemed fine with that answer and we moved on.

After church: I took a nap.

Friday, September 25, 2009

The Truck!

So another Marine who is also a member of the big truck club and runs with the diesels, hooked me up! He drained the fuel filter on the bottom underneath the driver's seat and the message disappeared.

Now I had to buy new filters. The Marine wanted me to pick them up. ug. Not my thing, ya know. Auto parts stores.

So to counter the years of torture of being sent into these kinds of stores completely clueless, I walked in like I owned the place, and said with an authoritative voice, "I need the fuel filters for an o7 F250 Diesel."

The I stared him in the eyes.

I detest going into auto parts stores. Almost as much as hardware stores. It brings back memories of my dad sending me to McCoys and a sample of a part. Usually a tiny screw, pvc piece or some bizarre nut or bolt. "Go get me EXACTLY this, and I want 57 of them."

I would go and walk into the nut aisle. I would stand, mouth ajar, perhaps scratching my head, and stare at the THOUSANDS of nuts. or tiny screws. or some weird shaped elbow pvc connecting thingy. Seriously? How many nuts could there possibly be? Apparently a lot. And dutifully held my tiny sample up against each one.

So back to the filters. They looked something up, went in the back and brought out a box. I asked if they were the ones with micro fibers. Then it happened.

Carquest man stops working, as do the other five Carquest guys all standing around at computers looking important, and just stare. I got "the look".

If you're a woman, you know what I'm talking about. I intensely dislike "the look".

The look that says "huh?".

So I said, "never mind. I am just making sure this one goes underneath in the horizontal fuel module as well as the other one that goes on top?" HA! BITE ME CARQUEST GUY! TAKE THAT. (of course that last part in capital letters was all said in my head.)

In reality I just stood there, staring back, willing myself not to blink.

All the Carquest dudes simultaneously go back to looking important standing behind their computers and quoting part numbers.

*Side thought: Don't they get tired? Does Carquest not provide stools?

It's confirmed, he pulls out the filters for my inspection. I pick them up, handle them what I assume is appropriately, and shove them back in the box.

"Very good, thank you."

So I leave Carquest and book it over to Food Lion. The Marine calls me. I tell him I've procured his filters.

He asks if I have them with me.

um no. I'm in Food Lion.

When I get back to the truck, I call him back.

"Okay, I'm in the truck with the filters. What did you want to know?"

The Marine asked me something that I can't remember now, but I used my carquest voice and state quite knowledgeably that no, these filters did not have the something I can't remember now that he asked if they had.

He said "oh, okay, that's fine."

And that was it. I did it! I didn't get "the look" (you can even feel it over the phone, or a two way radio) you always get after you've tried to explain to an auto parts guy or a home building store guy what your father/husband cruelly made you go pick up and then go home just to get "the other look" from your husband or father when you brought home a screw or a nut or a filter that was a teenie weenie bit different than what they had requested! And here you had just spent two hours holding them all up and squinting. AND they are peeved you've been gone two hours.

It is a great day for women like me everywhere!

I am going to sit here now and enjoy the glow of the moment. Because tomorrow.... tomorrow he will try to put the filters in the truck. I'm leaving before he gets up to do that. I don't want to be around in the event I get "the look".

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The Marine and vehicles

One time when I had the first suburban we owned, I pulled in the driveway. Put it in park. Turned if off. Got out.

I couldn't get it to start after that. I went in and told The Marine.

He said, "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

It was the alternator. I sabotaged it. Purposefully, so I could experience his veins sticking out of his forehead.

One time the Marine was driving the little green Saturn I have since sold when he deployed, (for five hundred dollars) and it died on him in the middle of the main road in our town.

He called me. "Did you drive this car?"

Yes, last night at 0230 so I could sabotage it when you drove it the next day because I like to see the vein stick out on your forehead.

You get the picture.

This week I drove the beloved F250 Big Gray Truck. A message came on that said Water in Fuel. I drove it home, parked it, and haven't touched it since.

The Marine says today... "You know you were driving it when the message came on", and he began to laugh.

He likes to see the vein stick out on my forehead....

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

How to get a 16 year old boy out of your car!

When our children begin high school, they also begin taking a church class called seminary. Where we live they have to attend early morning seminary. Or early morning cemetery as our fabulous seminary teacher calls it on occasion.

My high school children start their school day at 0630 every morning for four years. Add to that family scripture and prayer, our alarms start going off at 0530. Now think about most teenage boys... ug.

Recruit 2 and I have a unique relationship. We often talk about his future, his feelings, how he views the world.

Okay. I'm making that up. But we do have good talks and are pretty open, as open as a 16 year old will be with his mom.

So this morning I drive Recruit 2 at 0630 up to the church building to begin is day. I leave the other children briefly to drive him a block or so. I expect to pull up, shove him out and boogie back home. The Marine usually takes him and I can lay in bed an extra thirty minutes.

I'm annoyed I have lost my thirty minutes.

We get up there and the Bishops car is in the parking lot, empty. A white van waits in the parking lot. People are in it. Another student gets out and goes and stands by the church doors. The seminary teacher has not yet arrived.

Kelli: "Get out."

Recruit 2: "Mom, Sister Seminary teacher isn't here yet."

Kelli: "So, the Bishop is. Get out."

Recruit 2: "Mom, the building is locked."

Kelli: "The bishop's car is empty." The lights of the Marine's truck are shining straight into the car. Yes I'm driving his truck BECAUSE I CAN!!!! (he's in Quantico)

Recruit 2: "He's probably doing something important, I don't want to interrupt him."

Kelli: "RECRUIT 2, you nit. It's 0630, I have 4 kids alone at home. Get out."

Recruit 2: "MOM! Look, that boy is standing by the doors!"

Kelli: "He didn't try the doors, I watched. I bet they are unlocked. Where do you think the Bishop is? GET OUT!"

Recruit 2 doesn't move. So I try a new tactic.

Kelli: "So... Did you ever think your eternal companion is out there somewhere right now? She probably has guys totally trying to hook up with her. How does that make you feel? Do you pray that she is protected and has strength to stay pure? I mean really. Think about it. She could be anywhere having experiences and being prepared to meet you and marry in the Temple. I think you need to start praying for her, so she is protected and prepared and that you will have the spirit with you to know when you meet her. I mean she could even be on the other side of the world having lunch RIGHT NOW!"

I took a breath and he looked at me.

Recruit 2: "I'm not marrying Kenz!"

(her family just moved to Korea and honestly I wasn't even thinking of her. But HE did.... hmmmmm, anyway, I go on.)

Kelli: "Son, I'm not referring to her specifically, just the point that she, your future wife whomever it is, is out there, alive and breathing and having experiences... Hey wait, what are you doing? I had more to say!"

Recruit 2 rolls down the window and yells at the other student to see if the doors are unlocked.

They are.

(like I said)

He gets out, looks at me and says "later mom, love you." Slams the door and heads off.

Ha! Victory!

I am free!!!!

Monday, September 21, 2009


As I type this I am waiting for a police officer to arrive at my home. Don't worry. Everyone is safe. The picture below should explain.

If you are confused, let me point out the CAR KEYS in the cup holder. Disregard the straw wrappers and the empty Frutista Freeze cup. This picture is taken through the window of my van. My tightly locked up, sealed, closed, Fort Knox Kia Van.

It wouldn't be so bad but The Marine is in Quantico with the other set of keys. In his backpack. In his rental car. Well probably in his hotel room by now.

It really wouldn't be an issue. I have the truck and jeep to drive. The issue is two sets of shoulder pads and three football helmets. The Marine doesn't get back until FRIDAY... OH Wait, my policeman is here.

It's OPEN. THAT QUICK. I'll complain later, I have to get to football practice....

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Sock Basket Pushed Me Over The Edge

Life caught up. After last weeks injuries, the long long weeks of The Marine's class that is driving him insane and Recruit 2 getting his foot run over by another student at the volleyball game last night with his car and having to go to the urgent care this morning and Recruit 4 having issues already with school and Recruit 1 not here and Recruit 3 being a morose 14 year old and Recruit 5 squalling like a banshee every afternoon and delaying his homework for HOURS, all the laundry and Recruit 6 non stop hopping, leaping, and Ninja-ing everything....

The overflowing sock basket pushed me over the edge.

I started trying to pick stuff up for the bug guy. I didn't have a lot of help.

I had to stop to find socks for Recruit 6. I picked up many but no matches. I found some matches but they were DIRTY.

OH MY GOSH are you KIDDING ME???? wait I need a few more symbols at the end of ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!!!!!$%#@!!!!!

That's it. I'm done. I'm going to go get my toes done. And a Sonic drink.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Neglectful Blogger

I really enjoy blogging, I just haven't had the time or brain power to do it lately. So I find myself more and more often doing "catch up" posts.

So the latest news with The Marine and Recruits are as follows:

The Marine is currently three classes away from graduating in December with a double Major. His class on computer language C# is kicking his rear end. I don't think I've ever seen him stressed like this.

It didn't help I left him for a week to go work a conference in Chicago, it's football season, and he started getting sick. I also asked him to drive 8.5 hours to Annapolis that Friday to meet me.

One of my co-workers and now friend was having a giant labor day weekend party and I really wanted everyone I work with to meet my family. Since I'm a virtual employee and telecommute, it's hard to make it to company picnics...

I had to justify driving that far for a party, so we also took Recruit 2 on a tour of The Naval Academy and sat through the admissions brief. I think he would do well there. We'll see. He is a junior this year.

So The Marine grumbled and growled all week at me over the phone. He made the trek though and we had the best weekend. It was worth it in the end. It's not often we go do stuff for fun.

Friday was a family day for the unit The Marine works for. He played softball on the Staff and Officers vs NCO and below. He pitched the entire game. He couldn't move yesterday when he woke up or today... He and I are getting old. I remember looking at the staff and officers years ago and thinking how old they looked.

I wonder how many of the junior Marines thought that about us on Friday... No need to answer that by the way... I don't really want to know.

Recruit 1 is getting married. I can't remember if I've posted this or not. So I'm helping with wedding plans long distance. I'll also be planning a reception here for her as well. I have yet to meet her husband to be, but all reports indicate he is perfect for her.

I'll get to meet him in October. First son to join the family that I am the LAST one to meet.

Recruit 2 is running cross country. He is looking more grown up every day. He has his permit to drive and next summer will have his license. I just got recruit 1 off our car insurance, so I get a little reprieve.

Recruit 3 is cheering for her middle school and just recently turned 14, while we were at the Naval Academy. She and I went shopping in the fabulous little downtown of Annapolis while The Marine and boys checked out the museum on The Yard (the Academy campus). We got her dress for the Bridesmaid luncheon in December.

Recruit 4, 5, and 6 are all playing football. Recruit 4 is still so much fun to watch on defense. He's the smallest on his team, but gets in there!

Recruit 5 is doing well. He split his forehead open one night last week. We had the choice of glue or stitches. Um... GLUE!

Recruit 6 the night before bit through his lip on his chin with his two front teeth and on the inside of his lower lip with his two bottom teeth. He fell down a slide on the play ground at Recruit 4's football practice. I had white shirts on both times, and both times there was a lot of blood. The Marine wonders why I keep buying white shirts...

I've been working long crazy hours and trying to catch up on the house. Things should be slowing down now that the big conference is over.

I have lots of pictures to post and things to write about. Like how some parents were all miffed about the schools showing President Obama's speech in the classroom. I wasn't worried. One of my boys fell asleep, one didn't pay attention and the 5th grader (recruit 4) thought it was boring.

I think they should show past speeches of previous Presidents now.... I'm just sayin'.

So I'll hopefully be posting a little more often. Especially as we make wedding plans and watch some awesome Pop Warner football games. They are just too funny... I have a cute cheerleader and my cross country boy. And I still like my gray haired aging Marine!

Life is very full and joyous right now.


What follows on these posts is true to the best of my knowledge, except what isn't. I only change names to protect the innocent and not so innocent.